Consensual non-monogamy is so much more than just being open to including others who are outside of your primary relationship. It's not just about doing it with others. It's more about opening your own mind about who you open your legs to. Consensual non-monogamy asks you to open up to yourself (and your partner). In this episode we have a discussion, with complete relaxed acceptance, about how feeling attractive, being attractive to others, and having an attraction for others, is a good thing. Unlike what happens with couples in vanilla world, who may argue/feel rejected when one partner finds someone else attractive, the reality is, finding others attractive does not actually negate the attraction you have for your partner. It even enhances it! To fully and freely express yourself with words, and with your body, within and outside of your relationship, without it being a threat to the relationship IS what the lifestyle is all about. So join us and listen in on this smexy convo as we demonstrate how to include discussions about “finding other people attractive” into your relationship talk . Come discover your own torrid soul with us. We'd love to hear from you! Send us your questions or comments. Hello@TorridSouls.com 1-647-547-5512 Twitter and Instagram @TorridSoul.
Transcript
Tori: 00:00 Welcome to Torrid Souls. I'm Tori
Soul: 00:04 and I'm Soul.
Tori: 00:05 We're a same sex female couple and we're both bisexual.
Soul: 00:09 Yes. How awesome is that?
Tori: 00:12 So maybe we're not the norm in the lifestyle and maybe our experiences are unique …or are they?
Soul: 00:18 We're a couple. Very much in love…
Tori: 00:21 and like you, we like to spice it up sometimes too. So join us and let our smexy lifestyle conversations open your minds…
Soul: 00:28 and your legs…
Tori: 00:30 just a wee bit wider. Hello everyone and welcome to our episode 2 of Torrid Souls. I'm Tori
Soul: 00:41 and I am Soul
Tori: 00:43 and this episode is called, Heeey… You're Sexy. What we are going to discuss is all about what we find attractive, who we find interesting and why
Soul: 00:51 I find that being in the lifestyle has changed how we have discussions with each other.
Tori: 00:57 Yeah, definitely.
Soul: 00:58 Before being in the lifestyle, I would say that it wouldn't be as comfortable to point out somebody who I found attractive or even think about it because I'm in a relationship, so why would I do that?
Tori: 01:10 Well we had bought into the monogamy world as well, in the sense, that we thought that's what it actually was the only way to be. We didn't know any different. (Right) So based on that, a lot of people would see, if you talk about someone who's attractive, I know I've had that in past relationships where the person would feel threatened (Yes) they would feel that…
Soul: 01:28 Oh, if you're looking at somebody else, that means you're not interested in what we have together or what I have for you.
Tori: 01:33 Or you don't think I'm good looking.
Soul: 01:34 Or whatever it is, things are waning or dying or that's the first clue to watch out for because ooooh now if you start looking elsewhere, then what's going to happen?
Tori: 01:43 Yeah, and yet we don't see it, at this point, as a threat to the relationship. We actually find it kind of fun!
Soul: 01:48 Yeah, and I think even though, as you said, we may have bought into the monogamy version, for a little bit, still, deep down inside…
Tori: 01:56 and it's not criticism for people who believe in monogamy, (Nooo) and want to do that. That could be right for them. It's just right for us.
Soul: 02:02 We're not saying anything's wrong with it. It's just that it didn't fit us. And for people who have both partners (or all three partners or all four partners or whatever it is) who believed that, they agree that they both (once they would get married), then, you know, it's only them and they both agree on that, that's fine. It's totally a strong relationship. But if you don't believe it or if some/one of the partners doesn't believe it, then that's where it becomes a little weakened, I would say. And I knew even though I was programmed to get married and that would be the one person, and I wasn't taught anything else, my body didn't agree with that.
Tori: 02:38 Yeah. You tell me how you always, always have noticed people.
Soul: 02:41 Always. I always, oh, wonder what they look like naked! It's just automatic and I always thought, well, I'm not dead so why can't I look at other people?
Tori: 02:52 We've had this discussion that you noticed people and notice packages and you notice body shapes and you, you notice…
Soul: 02:58 I notice everything and so it was interesting when it came as a, an issue with us, not as a bad issue, it just came up as something where you, you being the person who is absolutely zero percent jealousy in your body, started saying, oh, I wonder what it would have been like (because you know, we were both married to men before) and you started saying, oh, I wonder what it would be like to see you with a guy because I never saw that. And I was like, what the hell. And you said it several times over years, I think, and every time you said it, I said, are you serious? And you're like, yeah. After hearing it a few times, I eventually thought, oh, she is serious.
Tori: 03:40 Yeah. So I think the discussion we're having today with regards to what we find attractive, I think that was a big part of our opening up over the last several months to two or three years. We've had discussions about what we find attractive and people and it's been able to open it up so it's…
Soul: 03:55 We can talk about it…
Tori: 03:56 Yeah, talk about more and more and then talk about scenarios that we eventually actualized and things like that.
Soul: 04:03 Yeah, because I mean I think we both agree that for our relationship, looking at other people and admiring other people, there's nothing wrong with that. It's the communication about, as I said earlier, that you know, you can look and enjoy. You're not dead, but touching is different without consent from the other partner. So you can still be monogamous and look at other people and I've, I know many couples are like, oh no, that wouldn't work, but for us, we both ended up agreeing, by your instigation, that hey, again, you pushing me, is that what you really believe or is that what you were taught? So I had to think about that and then I realized, hmmm, if you're okay with it, I'm okay with it.
Tori: 04:47 …because you're the one who's been looking for years.
Soul: 04:50 So let's see how this works. So we started pointing out people. Yeah.
Tori: 04:55 Yeah. And so, and then we started to enjoy that and seeing, especially when people would find each other attractive. So when we see someone else is attracted to our partner, we find that interesting as well too. We have a CarClip that we're going to put on, coming up now, and we were just coming from a vanilla event. It was actually an anniversary party. In this clip. It talks more about people finding you attractive, including myself, as well as what we would find attractive too, which I think is pretty amazing for us. We are having a lot of fun when we were recording this as well.
Soul: 05:25 I have to say though that based on your being so confident and relaxed about other people finding me attractive, I didn't start off that way and I've grown into that and now it's a lot easier. It's still a lot of fun, but it's a lot easier for me now to (receive) relax…
Tori: 05:43 …to be an excellent receiver.
Soul: 05:44 Sure. Let's go with that.
Tori: 05:46 Yeah, so in this clip, we actually recently returned from two weeks in Mexico. We were at Desire and Temptation, so there was lots of sun, lots of alcohol, lots of dancing, lots of socializing. So there's very little left of our voices, but I think it was fun anyway. It was worthwhile that we did it. So here's our first CarClip for this episode:
Soul: 06:09 Anyway, what is it that you see? It's not just…
Tori: 06:13 I don't know, you're just freaking hot. You're across the room and I see you and you're just like, holy crap. And like the sun shining through and it's like…
Soul: 06:21 …shining just for me
Tori: 06:23 …shining just for you. And I watch everybody watches you. It's, like, people, like, just can't help it. It doesn't matter. The guys that are in the band
Soul: 06:32 Now everyone is gonna wonder what I look like and they're gonna want to know.
Tori: 06:33 Who. What do you mean everybody's going to wonder? On a podcast?
Soul: 06:42 Everybody. Because they can't see. What does she look like? Everybody…
Tori: 06:43 Only I know. I can describe you.
Soul: 06:47 It's the eyes.
Tori: 06:47 Your eyes.
Soul: 06:48 It's the eyes. It's the mix-up eyes.
Tori: 06:50 It's a whole lot more than the eyes. Okay so the eyes that are in that face, with those lips and with that curly hair and THOSE shoulders and that shape and those freaking long legs that go from there to there, that holy,
Soul: 07:06 Holy. What? What goes through your…
Tori: 07:10 I, uh, nothing. That's the point.
Soul: 07:11 So it's a break for you when I show up because you don't have to think so much.
Tori: 07:17 ‘Cause I can't think and this is after this many years. I still can't think. You dress up like that, and I'm like, holy crap, what am I…?
Soul: 07:30 It's my public service. A public service worker.
Tori: 07:32 You're a public service worker. Well you just show up and everybody smiles that's what it is.
Soul: 07:37 See, I'm making the world happier.
Tori: 07:39 Making the world happier one sex drive at the time.
Soul: 07:42 I'm jump-starting, some, and putting some into overdrive. No, I'm just being me. Whatever that is…
Tori: 07:51 And then you go and you move your hips ever so slightly to the music that's playing by the band because we're not really in a place to just go and let loose and dance. But you move your hips like this much.
Soul: 08:03 Are you watching my hips?
Tori & Soul: 08:03 I'm always watching your hips. I'm always watching everything about you. Wow. You're just. You're stunning. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Wow. And our post Desire raspy voices. They're just so sexy right now.
Soul: 08:25 Hey, Baby! Whappenin'? (Whappenin') So what is it then? I don't know. You always, I dunno, blow me away when you say these things because I'm not expecting it.
Tori: 08:32 You're not expecting people to tell you, you're freaking gorgeous.
Soul: 08:35 Well, the freaking gorgeous part always surprises me because you're like,Oh my God. And I'm like whaaat? I'm just standing there.
Tori: 08:43 Yeah, you're just standing there in all your awesomeness glory, looking like that last. And that's exactly it, is because you don't work it other than just be who you are and when you are who you, everybody's attracted to you (well maybe not everybody on the planet) but a whole large percentage of them and I can see them, and I love seeing that. I love seeing people watch you and you walk just to look out a window and a guy gets up from his chair and walks over to you to talk, talking to you and then is touching, doing the elbow touch thing that I now know what that means.
Soul: 09:17 And the squeezy, squeeze. Touch and squeeze and then put the hand behind the back.
Tori: 09:21 Yeah, I saw all of that and I'm like, I know what that means. That means he's interested and I'm like…
Soul: 09:25 I got this!
Tori: 09:26 You got the what? The fingers? The finger-fluddle, fluddle, flutter.
Soul: 09:33 That's a new word. You're drunk.
Tori: 09:34 I'm not drunk.
Soul: 09:34 Well, you should be. There a finger wiggle behind the back that's a little bit of tickle. Tickle the spine and that means, oh yeah, I'm supposed to now fall for you because you did that, but you're clearly spreading your feathers and saying I'm a peacock and look at me and I'm trying to attract you.
Tori: 09:51 Did it work? No. How come I didn't work?
Soul: 09:55 Well his assumptions that because he's interested in me, I should be interested in him. It was not very sexy.
Tori: 10:03 No, that's not sexy.
Soul: 10:05 No. Better if you…
Tori: 10:07 The hope and the desire can be there but not the assumptions that…
Soul: 10:10 Oh, here's my card. Call me and…
Tori: 10:14 What are you doing Monday? What are you doing Monday?And call me when you come to my country and I'll take you around and show you the real country.
Tori: 10:21 Does he not know you're from there?
Soul: 10:23 Probably. I don't know. I think everybody in that room was from there. So it's just, it wasn't a sexy move to just start moving forward without even seeing if… It's kinda like sales.
Tori: 10:34 What's like sales?
Soul: 10:36 You know, like when you go into buy a car, you go to the car dealership because you're interested in buying a car, and salespeople are trying to sell you stuff that you're not interested in. I felt that. Have you ever felt that when you go to places where they have high pressure sales people and they do this thing where they're not even interested in looking to see if you have an interest in their product, they're just pushing the sales part of it, and it feels the same way to me. It's like first of all, you need to find out if I'm your audience. First of all, you need to find out if there's any chance of me being interested without giving me her whole sales pitch.
Tori: 11:14 But you're not into long-haired, unkept Chinese Jamaicans with cowboy boots?
Soul: 11:19 Not today. Today is not the day.
Tori: 11:26 There was a, oh yeah, somebody taught us that answer, right? Today is not the day. It's a nice easy way to let somebody down…
Soul: 11:33 It fits everything. No matter what the situation. Today is not the day, if you're not interested, use that line. You know, he is. He is who he is and there's nothing wrong with whatever his package of goodies all that came together. That's him. But. And it's not to say …because it makes it sound like I'm just stuck up…oh, I'm so hot and you. (No, it's not stuck up) I'm so hot and you can't touch me (but you're attracted to…)
Tori: 11:58 No, no, no, no. But it's like you gotta. There's something called personal grooming.
Soul: 12:05 Yes. And there's something about resonance. We have to be having the same kind of energy…
Tori: 12:11 and there's something called personal grooming. I'm sorry, but that was not kept.
Soul: 12:18 Yeah. I think if you're gonna, if you're gonna…
Tori: 12:20 You have to look like you bathed like this week.
Soul: 12:23 If you're going to advertise,
Tori: 12:24 Ideally today.
Soul: 12:24 If you're going to advertise your house for sale, then you should stage it.
Tori: 12:32 That's one way of saying it. Yes.
Soul: 12:33 Right. You don't just say, well, here's my house. I've been living in for 40 years and I've never done any renovation to it and I'm going to sell it now. It's not quite as appealing as if you painted it…
Tori: 12:47 and want to buy it on Monday.
Soul: 12:50 I'm going to sell this. Here. You want it? Have my house on Monday.
Tori: 12:53 Oh, here's my card.
Soul: 12:54 Here's my card. Call me and buy my house on Monday. No. You have to put a little bit of energy into it to get some back. So…
Tori: 13:01 So there we go. See. (Good for him.) So it was not being shallow. (No) It's just having standards. (Yeah.)
Soul & Tori: 13:08 Goatees could be sexy. Or long hair. Or long hair. Or cowboy boots. Or cowboy boots. Or Chinese Jamaicans.
Soul: 13:14 Or Chinese or Jamaican. Individually, all those parts are fine and then just put them together in one package
Tori: 13:21 That's put together.
Soul: 13:22 Then we're good.
Tori: 13:24 If they look good
Soul: 13:25 and they're tall, and muscular. Then we can talk. (Yeah.) That's just me.
Tori: 13:34 Why, you got a thing for tall muscular?
Soul: 13:37 That's just me.
Tori: 13:37 Tell us about it. You had to be tall and muscular?
Soul: 13:39 That's just me. I ain't telling you all my secrets, today. ( No.) No, not today.
Tori: 13:46 No.
Soul: 13:49 Today is not the day.
Tori: 13:49 You're just hinting at them.
Soul: 13:50 Today's not the day to tell you all my secrets. Don't tell secrets on a sunny day.
Tori: 13:57 Where's that come from?
Soul: 14:00 It's a family joke. We don't tell secrets on a sunny day.
Tori: 14:02 Oh, okay. Except the family would be from Jamaica, which is sunny every day. So.
Soul: 14:09 We don't tell secrets.
Tori: 14:12 We don't tell secrets. Exactly.
Soul: 14:12 They're always kept. Amen. Hallelujah. (Amen. Hallelujah) In a totally non-religious way. Yes. We can't be racist!
Tori: 14:24 We're not being racist.
Soul: 14:25 We can't say Chinese, We can't say…
Tori: 14:27 Why not?
Soul: 14:29 I don't know.
Tori: 14:29 It ‘s not being racist to describe someone. (Yeah?) No. It's being racist to describe someone is if you are saying, oh, I, I don't know. Don't like Irish because they drink too much.
Soul: 14:41 I have no idea what he always called me racist. Everything…
Tori: 14:43 It'a a joke. It comes from the kids.
Soul: 14:47 But I used to say stuff all the time and you'd say you can't say that it's racist. It's me, that I'm just joking. Now you're turning into us and you're joking too. Oooo. I don't want anyone hating me, though.
Tori: 14:56 No, nobody will hate you.
Soul: 15:01 For saying racist things.
Tori: 15:01 Just because you have a preference doesn't mean you're racist? Mmmmm. That's the point.
Soul: 15:08 I know. I just don't want anybody to think that I don't like them just because of what they have that they can't change. He can't change he's Jamaican. He can't change he's Chinese. He can't change that he's …wearing cowboy boots.
Tori: 15:18 Yes, but the essence of it is that you don't want to get with them and I've seen you be willing to get with people with cowboy boots. The cowboy boots are not a problem. I haven't seen you interested in anybody with long hair, that's male. So there you go. You don't like long haired men. It's a preference.
Soul: 15:34 Not unless they are over six feet with muscles.
Tori: 15:36 Hahaha. Over 6 feet with muscles. Sounds like a cover of a romance novel. (Over six feet with muscles.) Over six feet with muscles, now you can have long hair. See, like see, so you're not against anybody with long hair.
Tori: 15:54 In our next CarClip conversation we uncover even more specifics about our particular preferences and where they're coming from.
Soul: 16:09 Candid CarTalk. (Yes. Candid CarTalk) with Tori and Soul. We can't leave the parking lot because you said something that we had to start recording and that's something is:
Tori & Soul: 16:24 I just, I never thought that I would…, as to who I was attracted to. You wonder why it's changed or shifted or if it has. I just don't know that I ever thought…. Like you were the high school jock. (I don't know. I didn't go to high school with you) but you were the sporty type that played sports and looked all hot, I'm sure. And we're like playing. I don't know. What sports did you play? You played track. You did… ( you played track, hahaha). See I am not the sporty type. I'm the curvy type. (Played track. That's cute). Okay. So you did track. (Bless your heart.) You played tennis. You're so cute. (You're so cute, bless your heart.) No, you played tennis. You did track. So you were in that sporty group of people that were all of the in crowd. You were the ones. I was the nerd. You didn't know you were in, that's because you guys just didn't know. It just was doing things that I normally do because that's what I did. I did. That's what popular people do! We're bringing back all the high school baggage right here. Right now.
Soul: 17:28 I didn't know there was a group of people looking at another group of people and going, Oh, you're the popular ones and nobody sees us.
Tori: 17:37 Yes, but that's because you were the popular one that everyone sees. (I had a lot of nerdy friends.) You didn't see people who were the likes of me.
Soul: 17:44 I had friends that were from all walks of life. Just I like them because I them, but if they didn't…
Tori: 17:50 But nerd. Okay, nerd. Fine. Okay. Nerdy. Yes. I was not only a nerd, I was also a headbanger.
Soul: 17:54 What's that?
Tori: 17:55 What's a headbanger? Listened to heavy metal. Listened to rock.
Soul: 17:58 Okay, you've scared me?
Tori: 17:59 Yeah. See, there you go. So you didn't see the likes of me.
Soul: 18:03 You seemed angry. Your type.
Tori: 18:04 I was angry. I don't know.
Soul: 18:07 Your type seemed angry to me. So I wasn't into anger.
Tori & Soul: 18:09 Well I'm over the anger now, (but I wasn't into) except about highschool stuff. (Apparently!) So anyway back to my point (should I turn on a headbanger song). No. No. No, Back to my point. Okay, is that you automatically see yourself with these tall, buff guys. I never thought that I would see myself with guys like that, because that was the sporty people. All those guys. They were out of my league. Right.
Soul: 18:38 And for me, we're just somebody that was like everybody else.
Tori: 18:42 Yeah. So that's why you don't have a problem now.
Soul: 18:44 They play games well or not.
Tori: 18:47 Freaking amazing. Muscle bound. Holy Crap. Big handed guys.
Soul: 18:53 Stripper guys.
Tori: 18:55 Yeah, stripper looking guys. Yeah. And you're just like, yeah. Hi.
Soul: 19:01 Just teammates.
Tori: 19:02 Yeah, exactly. It's not that my taste has changed, it's just that I never (you were intimidated) opened my eyes to the idea that that was even a possibility and I now know it's a possibility because it's a lot of fun.
Soul: 19:12 Beautiful people are just people too. They wanna be loved.
Tori: 19:12 Yes. Well, I'm beautiful now.
Soul: 19:12 You were beautiful then.
Tori: 19:12 I was probably beautiful then (you didn't think you were) I just hid it behind a lot of makeup and a lot of (baggy clothes) baggy clothes. Probably.
Soul: 19:12 Now your tastes have changed.
Tori: 19:12 I saw a tweet that said something along the lines of when I was 20 (or what the heck did it say) in my twenties with my porn star body, I thought I was fat and ugly, and now here I am in my forties, with my elderly rhino body. (No, I don't have an elderly rhino body. Neither do you but anyway, it was funny). Elderly rhino body walking around like, yeah, (a porn star) the hottest ass on the planet or something. It was a very cute tweet. But I kind of relate because I wish I had the body of a 20 year old/ (Yeah?) If I had my own 20 year old body with this brain, now, that, yeah, that would be (dangerous) dangerous. That would be fun. Well, this is fun. I liked this body too, but that's why because I liked this body and I would have liked that body a lot too. Yeah. Oh well, anyway, so back to the topic. That's why do you understand? So now I see that not only is the world our oyster, we can say hi.
Soul: 20:26 That's all you have to say is hi.
Tori: 20:28 Hi. Yeah. Apparently that worked at dinner high (just say hello, hi) Our little high, over… What we did was sit down and Temptation, next to, and say hi.
Soul: 20:36 Oh my God!
Tori: 20:42 Well you say it's pheromones. (Well, just being me.) Just being you. Just saying, Hi.
Soul: 20:47 We sound so very virile.
Tori: 20:51 Virile. We are. ( Oh!) That's the point. (Okay.) Yeah. (That's why it sounds that way.) It works. It's working. (Work. Work. Work. Work. Work.)
Tori: 21:05 Now that we've spoken at length (at nauseum is that how they say it?) about brawn. Let's talk about brains. Now something that we discovered while we were in New Orleans. We actually went to Naughty in N'awlins, but we actually went a week early. This clip is a really short clip we'll probably cover, in a future episode, some of our experiences at Naughty in N'awlins. In this particular clip, we had gone a week earlier and had been surprised by a convention in town. So there was a lot of people on the streets, specifically men from a fraternity. So lots of people to talk to (about 40,000 of them) Yeah, so it was fun (Wow) but we have all of that in an upcoming episode. We have lots of recordings about that and the fun that we had with that. So this is from the week before New Orleans. The audio is not the greatest because it was hot there, so there was an air conditioning running in the background. I've done the best that I can to cut out some of the air conditioner, but you'll just have to bear with us. The audio wasn't as good as we would have liked it to be. Here's that clip:
Soul: 22:08 Brains are sexy.
Tori: 22:09 Brains are sexy. Yes. There's a word for that. Right? (SapioSexual.) Yeah, I think that's what it is. SapioSexual. Where, where you're attracted to the smartness. Smartness. See, I'm so super smart I make up my own words.
Soul: 22:25 Oh my gosh, she has her own dictionary. Remember that guy that we met on Bourbon Street, the shirtless fraternity guy who was helping us understand the…
Tori: 22:35 Oh yeah. He was super smart.
Soul: 22:36 He was surprisingly. Like I didn't expect or not expect. It was just….
Tori: 22:41 Yeah. He just came up and started…
Soul: 22:42 started talking, and then I think he surprised himself because he was like, oh wow. I know a lot, but it was just…
Tori: 22:48 What was the word we were trying to figure out?
Soul: 22:50 Bougie
Tori: 22:51 Bougie. And he gave us the whole… It came from the French word this, which meant…
Soul: 22:57 Bourgeoisie, which is the higher class. And then when you're acting Bougie is kind of like you're sort of acting better than people,
Tori: 23:02 which could be 50 (how do you say) 55% derogatory,
Soul: 23:02 Fifty three… 53% derogatory, but the rest not so much.
Tori: 23:02 So people claim the word just like they claim other words that would be derogatory…
Soul: 23:02 Right, and he was like, wow, I surprised myself, but the point of it is that he wasn't necessarily somebody I found attractive. Then he started talking and I was like, wow, he's kind of cool. I'd hang out with him and…
Tori: 23:25 It'd be. Yeah, so the attractive level goes up when…
Soul: 23:28 the level of attractiveness went up…
Tori: 23:30 when the brain is engaged…
Soul: 23:31 when he started speaking about stuff that you… had a conversation about knowledge …people can go up in their…
Tori: 23:39 and yet he still had a sense of humor and he's… Yeah.
Soul: 23:41 Yeah, but if I actually just, you know, being totally from a (just looked at him from an outer shell) a physical, I wouldn't necessarily go up and say, hey you. (Yeah) but he turned out to be somebody fun. So we're rambling on because I'm remembering something else now with that guy at the club. What is it? The Beach?
Tori: 23:59 At the Beach? Yeah.
Soul: 24:01 The Beach on Bourbon. And again, I wouldn't pick him out of a crowd. I mean he was tall and fairly decent, good looking, but he looked fun, and he could dance very well. And that…
Tori: 24:12 That was the one that was on stage?
Soul: 24:13 The guy in the orange shirt. Yeah (He was on stage? Yeah.) Yeah.
Tori: 24:17 Dancing with that girl the bride to be, or whatever?
Soul: 24:19 Right. And just, again, you had asked me to look around for people who I found interesting and I found him interesting. Not because he was super attractive but just because he looked like he was a fun guy and he was having a good time and he could dance. And that helps.
Tori: 24:36 Yeah. But you didn't bother telling me until we left the club. (Well) You missed part two of that. Look around. Tell me who you think is cool or who you might be interested in. And then tell me!
Soul: 24:46 I did tell you. You didn't give me a timeline. You said tell you and I did.
Tori: 24:52 You did tell me. Yes.
Soul: 24:53 After we left and I said, oh, by the way, that guy back there.
Tori: 24:57 Yeah. Nah, nah, nah, nah.
Soul: 24:58 Well, I did tell you, but now you have a timeline. Tell you when we can still see him.
Tori: 25:04 Yes. exactly. (Right?) Yes. That is the timeline. Tell me when he is still at the point that you notice the attractiveness. Tell me…
Soul: 25:11 And he's still visible.
Tori: 25:13 And he… Yeah. (Okay) So we can decide if we're just going to sit there and watch the person and have it as eye candy or if we're going to go say hi or whatever, but at least I can see. I can decipher the recipe. That is your attractive quotient.
Soul: 25:30 My recipe has a lot of variables. There's a lot of brackets (a lot of brackets) and if-then clauses
Tori: 25:39 Hahaha. See there you go showing your super smartness again. If-then.
Soul: 25:42 Well it's true. It's just if this happens then that or in this case brackets.
Tori: 25:50 See now you're programming. To make a programming if-then clauses (or formula) formula. That's it. See, I'm sounding like the super stupid one right now. Maybe that is the lack of sleep and
Soul: 26:01 We're super smart and super stupid. Should we get tee shirts?
Tori: 26:05 Nooo, let's not. Well, mind you, we just might have to switch them on different days.
Soul: 26:08 I'm with stupid. You know, that shirt,? I'm with stupid. (Yeah) with the thing which I've never liked, but, yeah, this is fun.
Tori: 26:14 Yeah, but that's what you just decide, am I going to be stupid today? Or am I going to be smart today?
Soul: 26:18 It's not necessarily stupid. It's just inability to access material because there has been little sleep and an abundance of alcohol consumption.
Tori: 26:37 So what we've discovered, In all of our talks in our CarClips that we played today as well as just our discussions in and around this, is that liking or admiring the beauty around us, of the people that we see, really has opened up discussions in a lot of different ways.
Soul: 26:56 Well, I think it is, especially for you, allowed you to see people differently. See the, see the outsides of people. And what did you laugh about?
Tori: 27:07 Well, exactly. I would talk to someone and say, yeah, they were really nice person, and you were like, oh, okay, what did they look like? Were they blonde? Brunette? And I'm like, aaah, no idea. So, yeah, I had a tendency to look and see people on their inside, see their souls. That's interesting. (Aha) And then you, not that you don't see the inside of people, but you take in everything…
Soul: 27:27 I take everything in at the same time because, you know, your eyes tell a lot, and body language tells a lot, and then I'm looking at what's attractive to me. So I put it all together pretty quickly. So I think from this way we have developed to be able to talk to each other and I've been able to put into words what I do.
Tori: 27:45 Yeah, I think that goes back right to the beginning where as we said at the beginning of this episode, we spoke about how I was interested in seeing you with someone else. So that spoke about how we started our interest in the lifestyle… Was like, oh that would be really cool to see, okay, what is it that you find attractive? And then we would see who you find attractive. We would talk about that. We would notice that when we were out and about this before we did anything in the lifestyle.
Soul: 28:08 I know, and you were trying to make this formula up and I'm like, I don't know about the formula.
Tori: 28:12 I'm still trying to figure out the formula, baby.
Soul: 28:15 I don't even know what the formula is, but…
Tori: 28:15 But regardless, and then we were able to take it back and to be able to see, oh, okay, so if that's who you find attractive, okay, so what would that look like and how would that feel? So we actually took it back and it was more or less pillowtalk to start with.
Soul: 28:28 I think… Because I'm a very visual person. Then I started getting these little snippets of visuals. I'm like, oh, okay, so how would it work adding somebody else or you watching me but somebody else.
Tori: 28:41 And I think we started like we would be in bed together and I would be in whatever position, whether that means that you're on top of me. And then we're like, yeah, well wouldn't that be cool if he was there behind you?
Soul: 28:56 Yes. I remember you started saying some of those things and I started picturing, okay, well this might work. If, okay, look at us, we're in this position now. What if we put, you know, they were in that position and this was happening while I was doing this or you were doing that and I was receiving this and…
Tori: 29:12 So it really spiced up our sex life at the time too, right? (Yeah.) It made it fun. Well, not that it wasn't fun. (yeah I know) It made it extra spicy sprinkles.
Soul: 29:21 Extra, extra spicy. I don't know if it was possible, but it is. I think it brought us closer, in the sense that we were more open…
Tori: 29:30 and more that we could talk about.
Soul: 29:32 Yeah.
Tori: 29:33 Because you got the idea that there is no… I don't have a jealous bone in my body. You got the idea that it actually is a turn on for me and so knowing that it was a turn on for me…
Soul: 29:42 I could relax and just be who I was and you enjoyed that and everything was always okay.
Tori: 29:49 Yeah. Because there's a part of you that thought that you were kind of, oh, I don't know too much or a bit of a freaky, per se
Soul: 29:56 Yeah, cause, you know, I got stamina. So that's a lot for some people. And I thought, wow, is it going to be too much?
Tori: 30:04 When I kept welcoming and basically saying bring it on.
Soul: 30:07 Yeah. It was like, oh, I could just keep going as much as I wanted to. And she was fine and I was like, okay. We just tried …very first time was not quite as, aaah, I was still scared. But now we're at a place where we've tried different things, which we'll talk about another time…
Tori: 30:24 The very first time. Which. What are you speaking of?
Soul: 30:26 That we said okay. To somebody else who was Mr Anonymous.
Tori: 30:30 Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Well actually, I think, maybe, we should do another episode (Okay) specifically says what we did there because it wasn't anything like what we had spoken about (No) for positions or anything like that because we had to have you to be able to calm your nerves and be okay with the situation. (Yeah, I was totally a wreck.) It was still fun, but (yeah), except for the bleeding nose. But that's just, you know, one of those clinchers where like, stay tuned.
Soul: 30:53 What happened? What…?
Tori: 30:54 How did they get a bleeding nose? So it'll just make you come back for future episodes.
Soul: 31:06 What's good is that we have very similar tastes. (Yes, that's very good) because I know being in the lifestyle and being a couple, we could have completely different tastes. (Yeah). And you might see somebody and go hell yeah. Or a couple, which is unusual, but let's just go with somebody and say yeah. And I could go nooo, big tall glass of nope or vice versa. (Uh huh) I could go, huuuuh what about?
Tori: 31:37 Yeah, but we have, like, identical taste.
Soul: 31:40 And, and, is it because we are so matched or what is it? Why is it that we are so… I can't even think, but just yes. Hell yes.
Tori: 31:52 Yeah. I don't know. It's just, it's awesome. I (pbbbb) don't want to challenge it or question it. I just think it's awesome. We are so well matched, in what we look for, in what we like, in the energy we like, and the personalities that we like. (Mm-hmm). That's awesome.
Soul: 32:08 Well, I guess we're just lucky.
Tori: 32:10 Yeah. We're just lucky
Soul: 32:12 Because it's challenging to be in a couple and want to be adventurous with other couples and have it where you both are (where they're looking at 4-way connection) going gaga over each other. And I know people have had that and it's like mind blowing.
Tori: 32:32 Well, part of the reason why it's great that we have the same taste is because we're actually also generally looking for the same one person to share. Whereas a couple they're looking for a couple to share. If they're doing couple-couple play. (Right) So it's actually two people and they each have to match individually. So that means…
Soul: 32:51 And it has to be reciprocal too!
Tori: 32:52 Yeah. So that's a different story.. as it… Whereas with us, it's you and I and we have the exact same taste and generally looking for a male and they're either interested or they're not. So there's, I think a lot less factors involved. So there we go,
Soul: 33:11 Yeah, I'd be very curious to, to hear about people's experiences of when, as a couple, they met another couple and it was a mutual and reciprocal attraction and how that worked out. Like, compared to just, well, one or the other. I know it's going to probably be… The answer is, oh, it was amazing. But just how rare is that? How common is that? That…
Tori: 33:36 And how did they make it more common? How do they get it to be something… Like we're getting better and better at a selection criteria and figuring things out, but how do couples do that as a male-female couple looking for other male-females? How did they get better at it, so this might be something to… that we would love for people to call in about and leave some information and possibly we can do on an upcoming episode (or email us) or email or answer on twitter. Maybe we'll put this out on twitter as well.
Soul: 34:05 Yeah, because that is very interesting to me to see how to navigate that and how to improve it.
Tori: 34:12 Yeah, that's a perfect way. We can just create some material for a future episode. We're planning for the future.
Soul: 34:22 So I think that's it for today. Thank you so much for listening to Torrid Souls. Head on over to Torrid Souls.com for our show notes and how to contact us, including voicemail. We would love to include your questions and comments on a future show. In our next episode, find out what happened in New Orleans. We had a week before with 40,000 fraternity men, followed by Naughty in N'awlins. So, is that double the naughty? Tune in next time to hear all about it. So thank you for listening to our take on the world within and around the lifestyle. We truly hope that you can learn something from us and of course be entertained at the same time. Now we do look forward to connecting with you. We would love your feedback. We would like to know what you liked, what you would want more of, what you would like us to cover in future episodes, perhaps.
Soul: 35:13 What you want us to go out and try?
Tori: 35:16 Hahahaha. I don't know. Are you looking for dares?
Soul: 35:18 Somewhat, yeah.
Tori: 35:19 Oh, okay.
Soul: 35:20 As long as I'm on the ground and it's warm and dry, then it's a possibility.
Tori: 35:26 Aaah. Okay. So I guess we're looking for dares. Well, we'll see. We can pick and choose from those. You can reach out to us. Um, if you take a look at our website that gives us all the ways to contact us. It's Torrid Souls.com. That's t o r r i d s o u l s.com, and that will give you a link for email or also you can leave us a voicemail. We have both through your computer or your device as well as you can actually use a landline (or if anybody has those anymore?) Or just a cell phone, you can call the number that we have there. Leave us a voicemail. We want to include some clips in upcoming episodes of your voices, your sexy voices with either questions or comments or whatever you want to tell us. We would love to include it, so please leave us your voicemail. And on twitter you can find us at Torrid Souls. We keep it simple. It's all Torrid Souls. Torrid Souls. Torrid Souls. Torrid Souls. I'm Tori
Soul: 36:19 and I'm Soul
Tori & Soul: 36:21 and together we are Torrid Souls.
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